Finding Normal (Again)

When I started this blog in January, I talked about a previous blog – one that I had quit writing when I was pregnant with my oldest son. Apparently it’s just hard for me to blog while pregnant.

If you were wondering where I have disappeared to, well – it happened again. I was pregnant, and I just couldn’t keep up.

I’m guessing you caught the word “was” in that last sentence. I was pregnant. I’m not anymore. The month of June was joyous for our family.  We traveled and saw friends and family, we hosted VBS at our church, and we celebrated a new life that was growing in my womb.  And I was nauseous, but we’ll just ignore that for this post.

With July came my youngest son’s second birthday and a huge community celebration for Independence Day. The first few days were fun, but something was off. I knew it.  So on Thursday, July 6 I called my OB office. I felt a little silly but I just had a bad feeling.  I knew I would be too worried to wait three weeks for my next appointment.  So I called, and they let me come in just for “peace of mind.”  Only when I got there, I found out what I had suspected. The baby no longer had a heartbeat.

I went home so that I could wait to miscarry.  10 days later I thought my body was finally going to do so,  but five days after that I ended up in the ER late at night. My body wasn’t getting rid of the baby, and I ended up getting a D&C the following day.

The next week and a half was mostly spent sleeping and laying around on the couch, with my heating pad and a blanket–and of course plenty of Coca Cola & chocolate.  I was told to get lots of rest, and to only get up to go to the bathroom for a week to 10 days.

Needless to say, the month of July wasn’t as joyous as the month of June.  August was a time of survival mode at my house.  As September has now begun, I am wading back in to life, and working on finding normal, again.

To get back to meal planning and grocery shopping every Thursday afternoon. To cooking homemade meals for my family and then sitting down at the dinner table with them. I’m even looking forward to starting a load of laundry every morning when I wake up.  It’s funny how you can miss something like that, but it’s time. I crave the routines that give my life a sense of calm and order.

So as I wade back into the real world, in search of “normal,” I just wanted to ask for your prayer.  I’m stepping back into my life as I’m still wading through a lot of emotions about this baby.  I’ve missed you all and your posts, and I’m so so glad to be back among you all as I continue to heal from this.  I hope to post more often, but I’m not going to give any guarantees just yet.  

In love to all my friends & readers, 

Rachel